Some of you know of a commitment I made a year and a half ago. A commitment I made to Christ, to focus on Him for a year! A year of learning, experiencing, pressing, building, etc. This year has truly been rewarding in SO many ways, its also been a battle. Espeacilly the last couple of days...
It started Saturday night, at first it was an amazing encounter! But then doubt came and beganing beating me down, laziness was the next thing that set in, along with exhaustion. Today has been the hardest, yesterday lies flooded my head, today I'm so tired I'm shaking just typing this out. At first I didn't understand but, now I do for this month is when I turn seventeen! The age God said he would reveal what He wanted me to do with the ministry ideas, etc.
I'm being tested, I'm being battled with the desion of whether or not to trust in God to see me through to this next year, and MUCH more!
This is my Caspian moment, all I have to do is say 'no', and then fight it out! Push on with a cry to Heaven! This is my Ester moment, to report the Haman that is tormenting! This is my Stallion moment, to run my race and into the arms of my Master! This is my moment, to enter into the throneroom with a sacerfice in my hands to lay before the King of kings!
Today, I found myself in my room crying out to Jesus... something I haven't done in a while. I mean really crying, tears and all! I learned something though as I was in my room, that I have no idea who I am marrying. I only know a small dose of that person, I also learned that as that bride I have a on going battle to fight anyway... the battle that is raging against my groom for just being the Saviour, period.
I am a warrior Bride, of a warrior Groom. As I declared things in worship and prayer...life came to me in a whisper, through Jesus's voice one of the most refreshing sounds.
You see the lie that has been pushing me is, "Your just hurting Him if you go on, can you really bear doing that again and again?" I could not get my mind around this lie. It kept playing again and again!
That morning I decided I'll put in my JOY Cd and just press in...that always makes me feel better.
Even though at that moment the lie sounded pretty convencing, I know that Jesus is the one that could reveal the truth of this lie.
So I turned on the CD, and as I just pressed in and began to pray... the presence of God came, and soon I was overwhelmed with the promises of God. The Love of Christ, and so much more!
It was one of the most amzing times I've ever had, so much freedom was felt and a new prespective was born in my heart.
The warrior Spirit was soon present and I started to notice what was going on in my heart and in the atmosphere! I soon remembered the story of Esther, the story of David, the story of John the Bastist and how all of them went through Spirtual triles and natural ones. I learned that a warrior is built on tradgey, and God is best glorified in these because He is able to intervene at His best...and we are able to believe and trust at our best! David prayed for trils because He knew this, and I have to say that day when I was put to the test I was better for it because I was given the chance to believe and run to Jesus, out of weakness just to be made strong in being vulnerable to the Savior.
Here is one of the songs that really pushed me through, and that God used to speak to me that day.
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