Friends,
I am entering a new season of vulnerability with God! I am going to share with you the deepest parts of my journey. God is calling me to dive deeper, climb higher, and reach like I've never reached before. When God first notified me of my performance life and light weighted- almost weak relationship with Him, I was frustrated saying-asking "God I am doing everything I know how to do, this is to much! What else do you want?"
What I didn't realize is... He wasn't calling me to do anything, when He first spoke the song "Pursue Love", that I posted so many weeks ago, He was letting me realize that I needed to step back- rest, relax, in His arms.
About a year ago...I think...I was coming back from church with my aunt and I was annoyed with how some people dressed for church. I didn't understand then, God does not care what you wear to church... as long as you are in his presence. I'm not saying that modesty does not matter but, it is secondary to the first commandment which is: Love.
Once we get a understanding of love, it will open up our hearts for the understanding of other things.
It starts with love!
Anyway, I had a legalistic spirit then. Well as I began to share my thoughts she began to share hers... I don't know how we got to a specific part of our conversation but, I remember her closing her eyes and saying "Kassie, I see a glass heart and its broken and you are trying SO hard to put the pieces back together but, its not working. God is saying 'Rest, let me do that.' She then opened her eyes and then said "God is calling you into a time of rest...I believe this year coming up (16), is going to be amazing and you are going to go deeper."
Its been deep alright!
As Christians we focus so much on doing and not resting, I'm not saying we need to throw our responsibilities out the window... what I'm saying is we need to realize that pursuing God does not stop, He so longs for a bride who is on fire for Him just because we love him so much! Duty is secondary to a intimate, deep relationship with God.
Now before I came to this revelation of Him just wanting my heart, I was trying to be the super homemaker, getting up at seven, doing my devotions, making breakfast, and getting my chores done by ten and then getting all my school work done by twelve thirty, so I could then get lunch done by one and then have the rest of the afternoon to crochet, read, write, etc. Having that goal is good, don't get me wrong but, what you don't know is I had church almost every single night and I was helping my grandparents at the office and I was trying to start a ministry, oh and help many different websites with things and blog! My to do list was endless and my time with God was getting down to just church. My life was very performanced...the worst of it was that when I didn't get all that I needed done. I would get over whelmed! I might even cry... Part of the reason for doing all these things is because I thought it would bring my relationship with God closer and others would know of His love.... I was missing though, that I my self didn't even know what love was or that duty needs to come out of a deep relationship with God not just because... He said so.
I was hurting my self...also there were times when I would cry and say "God this Christian thing is way to hard!" I felt like giving up...letting go...of course I knew that the other side is worse and that would be stupid of me. I wasn't going to... to tell you the truth! That's when God showed me the true side of knowing Him!
Resting in Him is so relaxing... so as I dive deeper and share with you my experiences... I hope you experience Him as well!
I am entering a new season of vulnerability with God! I am going to share with you the deepest parts of my journey. God is calling me to dive deeper, climb higher, and reach like I've never reached before. When God first notified me of my performance life and light weighted- almost weak relationship with Him, I was frustrated saying-asking "God I am doing everything I know how to do, this is to much! What else do you want?"
What I didn't realize is... He wasn't calling me to do anything, when He first spoke the song "Pursue Love", that I posted so many weeks ago, He was letting me realize that I needed to step back- rest, relax, in His arms.
About a year ago...I think...I was coming back from church with my aunt and I was annoyed with how some people dressed for church. I didn't understand then, God does not care what you wear to church... as long as you are in his presence. I'm not saying that modesty does not matter but, it is secondary to the first commandment which is: Love.
Once we get a understanding of love, it will open up our hearts for the understanding of other things.
It starts with love!
Anyway, I had a legalistic spirit then. Well as I began to share my thoughts she began to share hers... I don't know how we got to a specific part of our conversation but, I remember her closing her eyes and saying "Kassie, I see a glass heart and its broken and you are trying SO hard to put the pieces back together but, its not working. God is saying 'Rest, let me do that.' She then opened her eyes and then said "God is calling you into a time of rest...I believe this year coming up (16), is going to be amazing and you are going to go deeper."
Its been deep alright!
As Christians we focus so much on doing and not resting, I'm not saying we need to throw our responsibilities out the window... what I'm saying is we need to realize that pursuing God does not stop, He so longs for a bride who is on fire for Him just because we love him so much! Duty is secondary to a intimate, deep relationship with God.
Now before I came to this revelation of Him just wanting my heart, I was trying to be the super homemaker, getting up at seven, doing my devotions, making breakfast, and getting my chores done by ten and then getting all my school work done by twelve thirty, so I could then get lunch done by one and then have the rest of the afternoon to crochet, read, write, etc. Having that goal is good, don't get me wrong but, what you don't know is I had church almost every single night and I was helping my grandparents at the office and I was trying to start a ministry, oh and help many different websites with things and blog! My to do list was endless and my time with God was getting down to just church. My life was very performanced...the worst of it was that when I didn't get all that I needed done. I would get over whelmed! I might even cry... Part of the reason for doing all these things is because I thought it would bring my relationship with God closer and others would know of His love.... I was missing though, that I my self didn't even know what love was or that duty needs to come out of a deep relationship with God not just because... He said so.
I was hurting my self...also there were times when I would cry and say "God this Christian thing is way to hard!" I felt like giving up...letting go...of course I knew that the other side is worse and that would be stupid of me. I wasn't going to... to tell you the truth! That's when God showed me the true side of knowing Him!
Resting in Him is so relaxing... so as I dive deeper and share with you my experiences... I hope you experience Him as well!
This post really touched my heart.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing.
Blessings,
Leah