Tuesday, April 26, 2011

A Journal Entry- Part one.

Dear Dairy,
I'm merely going to tell you my favorite part of my journey, it started about a month ago. I started wondering about my future and of others. God then spoke to me and said "Why are you looking for attention else where, don't you know I love you?"
I guess what I realized is I was putting God on hold, not realizing that His love is what I was looking for.

I had a vision that week of me in a beautiful throne room, absolutely beautiful! Gold and marble floors and walls, gold doors. Ruby red tiles in the pattern on the floor. Grand!
I saw my self in a beautiful gown, white. Hair up in a elegant up-do. I was dancing with different young men each one representing a distraction from over the years. (I told you I was going to get vulnerable.)

At each turn one would disappear and then another would take the ones place. As I was dancing with one, another figure came into the room His suit, one a prince would wear. It was pure white, gold buttons, a red sash a cross the chest, pins of great things done on the left side of His chest.
He had finely cut hair, handsome. I couldn't see His face for it was glowing! (I remember the feeling I felt while I was having this vision, I knew this was the first time I had ever really seen or experienced Jesus. I was so nervous... like how you get when your around someone you really like.)
 The young man I was dancing with disappeared, He then took my hands and we danced, and then He took me out these doors on to a balcony and there I saw a shining kingdom, the houses gold, the grass so green and lush, beautiful plants, a perfect sunset, animals grazing and running.
There He said, "I give you a kingdom, not only freedom but, a paradise. For us, forever. I love you!"

I didn't know what to do, at the time I was mad and frustrated, had acted incretible odd for how I was normally. (Really guys it was werid! I was not my self... it was something else. I can't discribe what I felt, it was just werid!)  The other thing was, is that in this time I felt God/ Jesus really wanting me to wait and not do the ministry ideas till later.
I felt a burning want for God but, didn't know how to handle it by not doing anything.

He kept saying things like "Useing you to an ability you haven't imaged yet, thats why you don't know what to do." - Paint Your Picture - "Already have." - "Wait on me."- "I love you!"

There were times when I got so frustrated I ignored God. But He would just keep pursuing me. He sent me cardneils in my frustrated moments, reminding me that He loved me!
I didn't understand, so I began to feel like my passion and wisdom was dying because I wasn't "doing" anything. Funny hugh?

The next things He said was; " You need to understand the vision." This I was thinking, "Oh to be a mother, I need to gain back the vision of being a mother!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Post second part later.

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